our solutions | we're with you
In ohnomatterpoeia we make a noise.
We'll create an unexpected noise in front of you when you least expect it. Acts will include: dropping a plate, startling a vicious dog, turning on a light, shooting a gun, ringing a small bell, bursting a balloon and eating crisps.
All results will be filmed and presented as an NFT for your pleasure.
In relayge we stay at an age on your behalf, for the rest of your life and beyond.
Every year we will live your chosen age for you, as you - from one birthday to the next. Any fear of getting old or of simply living in the moment can now be conquered through this unique service.
Evidence will be presented as a yearly NFT.
In contemplate we think on your behalf.
We take a series of topics and research them carefully for no reason beyond acquiring knowledge and developing ideas. With someone expanding their horizons for you, you can effortlessly develop an entirely new perspective on things.
Reflections on the process will be presented in a series of bespoke display solutions and in a delightful range of thought provoking NFTs.
In mysing we disappear on your behalf.
Whether in financial difficulty or retreating from a previously high profile position, you can now delegate your urge to hide from any consequence. We'll attempt to disappear from all contemporary navigation and surveillance systems and all evidence of your offset vanishing will be destroyed and cast in acrylic resin for your pleasure.
In comedie we laugh at everything for you, as you.
No subject will be 'off limits'. We'll literally laugh at anything on your behalf; from the everyday, through to humiliation, tragedy and destruction. The hilarity that ensues from any situation will help you prove to others that you don't take life to seriously and that you have a GSOH.
A list of everything laughed at will be presented to you as an NFT.
In scapegoad we take the blame on your behalf.
We take the flack for you, as you, leaving you safe in the knowledge that you can take responsibility without actually taking responsibility. We'll be there to take a hit should anything go slightly wrong and if required you can also commission several blames at once, meaning you can delegate the buck onto a group of yous who are ultimately responsible for any number of failings.
Evidence will be presented on social media and as an NFT.
In obesitting we're unhealthy on your behalf.
As well as eating, drinking and smoking too much in your name we'll also remain seated for the entire duration of the solution. In the meantime you can keep healthy safe in the knowledge that someone is keeping you happy.
Evidence of your delegated exploits will be displayed in your local health centre and presented as an NFT.
In apocalapse we experience the end of the world on your behalf.
Whether you choose environmental catastrophe, nuclear armageddon, meteor strike or rampant virus you'll be left safe in the knowledge that come the fateful day you'll be fully prepared to accept the inevitable as we'll be doing it for you.
For an additional cost we'll survive your bespoke catastrophe and evidence of the disaster will be shown in super 8 film to those who are left.
In petish we become an animal on your behalf.
You can select a variety of options including; domestic (dog, cat, bird, small reptile, horse and fish) or wild (fox, badger, lion, osprey, meerkat, wolf and gorilla) leaving you safe in the knowledge that you can develop an empathetic understanding of nature from the safety of your own home.
Evidence of your solution will be presented as a series of drawings and as an NFT.
In erafeara we live in the past on your behalf.
You can choose from a variety of historical periods including; WWII, the 1960's or 2007 leaving you safe in the knowledge that regardless of current pressures you can delegate your need to retreat into the pleasures of yesteryear.
All evidence of your offset experiences will be presented for your pleasure in a series of antique wooden boxes and as an NFT.
In simfall we have a minor incident on your behalf.
You can choose a combination of unfortunate scenarios including knocking something over, breaking a precious/throwaway object or getting a minor injury.
All evidence of your offset experiences will be cast in a wax brick and presented for your viewing pleasure as an NFT.
In contentimental we live in an ideal version of your future.
We'll assess your needs and then design an ideal outcome for each one of your future desires. We'll then live as you in this optimistic version of the future leaving you safe in the knowledge that everything is going to be ok, despite your current anxieties.
Evidence of your solution will be sewn into a comfortable sofa and presented as an NFT.
In homoflexible we're your alternate sexual self.
We'll experiment with a variety of sexual preferences on your behalf. Opposite sex, same sex, fetish, group, voyeur or exhibitionist, we perform your fantasies/fears for you, as you, so you don't have to.
Selected reflections on your offset experiences will be presented as an NFT leaving you safe in the knowledge that you've broadened your horizons without compromise to your current lifestyle.